


No turning back

by LittleSparrow9



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age - Various Authors, Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dragon Age Fusion, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Real World, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward Flirting, Dimension Travel, Dragon Age AU, Dragon Age II Spoilers, Dragon Age Lore, Drama & Romance, Drug Addiction, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Multi, Past Child Abuse, Post-Dragon Age II, References to Illness, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Suicide, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-16 17:27:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9282383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSparrow9/pseuds/LittleSparrow9
Summary: nothing ever went according to plan.  Anders didn't want to be holding the bomb when it exploded. he didn't want to die.and he wasn't expecting to wake up after.lost, alone and  confused the Mage wakes up in a world that feels more like  dream. no Templars, no Darkspawn, no Magic...caught  between wanting to find a way home and wanting to explore this strange new world Anders meets some very familiar faces  and learns things that challenges everything he knew and believed.but is this world truly as idyllic as it seems? is there even a home to return to?





	1. According to Plan?

**Author's Note:**

> ok, this is the first time I have posted or even written a Fic anywhere in years. I'm Dyslexic and last time I got a verbal beat down from a reader who, basically and colorfully told me to never write again.  
> ahah, but well I have been sitting on this Idea for a while I hope you enjoy it The first Chapter is short. and I hope it interests you?  
> comments and advise or anything is welcome a good friend of mine checked for spelling but if you spot any please point it out and I will do my best to clean it up and check it again.  
> thanks for your time it really means a lot to me.

He hadn't meant to be in the middle of the Explosion.  
He had planned and planned, wrote his Manifesto, even planned some weird speech to say before he set off the bomb; this was all to build himself up though, to get ready. Justice whispered to him to do it but Anders himself was in every sense of the word, terrified. 

So being in the explosion that leveled the towering and gaudy Chantry, was really, really not on his list of things he wanted to do. He knew he would die probably but suicide? Not a chance not like that.

Of course, Anders needs and wants came second to what needed to be done, which was why he found himself running up the Chantry steps taking them two at a time bomb in hand just a head of the Grand Enchanter and the Knight Commander.

He couldn't plant the bomb when he wanted to and when news got to him that Knight Commander Meredith had authorized the right of Annulment, he sprang into action. The First Enchanter was doing his best to talk the crazed woman down as she marched to the Chantry to tell them there before finally issuing the order, but Anders knew he would have no luck, there could be no half measures.

 

He didn't know where Hawke or the others were. Hopefully they were blissfully unaware right now, playing Cards or simply talking together, he hoped they made it out of this ok. 

"What is the meaning of this?!" Meredith stared daggers at him while he stood between her and the Grand Cleric. He steeled himself and drew in his breath,  
"The Grand Cleric will not help you." Anders ignored her and turned his gaze to the First Enchanter.  
The elf looked quizzical for a moment and was about to speak before Meredith growled,  
"Explain yourself Mage!"

"I will not stand by and watch you treat all Mages like Criminals-" He banged his staff against the stone floors, the sound echoing in the large chamber. "While those who would lead us bow to their Templar Jailers."

Orsino’s gaze turned from quizzical to anger in an instant. "How dare you speak t-" Anders banged his staff again, louder this time.  
"The Circle has failed us, Orsino! Even you should be able to see that!" Justice boomed taking over for a moment to cut the man off.  
"The time has come to act, there can be no half-measures..."

The Grand Cleric stepped back, "What’s going on?" she asked clearly confused and scared by all of this. Anders ignored her and took a shaky breath, his friends were safe, his Clinic would continue, the war would start. 

"There can be no turning back." There was a rumbling sound and the room started to glow with Anders being the Center. He closed his eyes as the light became too much for them all, sparks of electricity flowing around them as the powerful Magic infused weapon he had created set to work.  
Anders didn't notice the Knight Commander draw her blade or her swing as the red Lyrium infused metal struck him and the bomb. He heard Justice cry out as though it burned. but it didn't matter, none of it mattered!

\--

Anders blinked... he opened his eyes to a bright blue sky. Instantly he was confused and he pushed himself up to sit.   
He should be dead, that was clear. He remembered the explosion.... where was he?

The world around him came into focus and it was instantly clear he was not in Kirkwall. This place was… far too loud and it was daytime. He stood on shaky legs and he was in a... garden of some kind. A large garden with people walking their pets and no one seemed to notice him.

He felt sick. His world span as he tried to collect himself, then there was a roaring sound making him look up. 

A dragon.

Not good. The mage panicked, looked around desperately for his staff, but found nothing. The huge creature was high in the sky and the roar was continuous. This whole world was deafening.  
He ran, a white hot flush of panic hit Anders He needed to get home, find where he was and out of sight of that thing. No one else seemed to mind it or even pay it attention. He approached one, a woman, but she took one look and moved to avoid him, rushing off like he was a monster. He followed a path from the garden onto a street. 

There were people. So many people. All human, all busy ignoring him and the beast in the sky, all very loud. why was this place so loud!?

Once again he was disorientated and had to hold onto a pole that was in the ground to calm himself. There was a row of building all as tall as the Chantry. Anders forced himself to move as he pushed from the pole and crossed the street.

There was a screeching sound and he looked up just in time to see a huge red beast before once again he was looking up at the sky. The dragon was gone and his vision faded to black.


	2. Second Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders starts to adjust to this new world and makes a friend.

beep beep beep...

Anders groaned and opened his eyes, he had to stop waking like this he thought bitterly before attempting to role over before wincing  as pain shot through his arm  he hissed and grumbled.  
then whined as he finally got into a position where he could drift off back to sleep.

beep beep beep 

beep beep beep.

Anders whined again. this place was loud. beeping and very loud people asking for Doctors...  
wait-  
Anders sat up. wincing again at the dull ache that pushed through him.   
where was he? the room was white. clean filled with weird... things. things that were attached to him? his arm, now that he looked at it was wrapped up. and he couldn't bend his wrist.  
the bed was okay but weird. looking out the large glass window he could see people in beds people in long white coats or colored uniforms walking around.

this was a Clinic.  
he would recognize one anywhere even with these... things he was attached to.  
he sighed and moved to heal his arm and to get the caste off.  
nothing happened..... nothing Happened?  
he tried again holding his working hand over the broken one trying to focus his energy pull on his magic.

nothing?

Anders went pale and his throat went dry.  
he didn't feel like he was drugged with magebane. there didn't look like there were templars. what had happened? what was going on?

"hello?"  
his attention was drawn to the door there was a man with thick glasses and a white coat he smiled.  
"good to see you awake, how are you feeling?"

Anders hesitated "erm..." he looked around the room as the man stepped in  
"how much do you remember?"  
the man asked with the same, very healer looking smile, it was a smile that Anders himself used to patients 

"I... don't know how I got here" Ander said "I woke up in a garden i think... and then.."  
the man nodded  
and sat on the edge of the bed  
"you were in an accident." he said simply "people said you seemed delirious. and walked out into oncoming traffic"  
Anders brow knotted.  
"you got hit by a car" the healer Clarified. Anders thought for a moment. car? Cart? he was hit by a cart of some kind.  
the healer continued  
"you hit your head. but other than that and your arm you were fine." he smiled and lent forward

"if its ok with you I would like to ask you a few questions"  
Anders nodded. and the man pulled something out of his coat  
"first of whats your name? so far we've just been calling you John doe. you had no ID or anything to tell us who you were" the man started to write down on a paper

"Anders" most of what this man was saying was gibberish   
"last name?" Anders looked down.   
"don't have one" the healer looked up from his paper, confused before shrugging   
"okay Anders, thats a German name right? are you from Germany or a US Citizen?"  
"I... don't know" it was the easiest answer

" you don't know...okay do you remember much before the accident besides waking up in the park?" Anders opened his mouth ready to talk about the explosion about it all but then stopped. he looked around the room again at all the strange things and the view from the window. this was... not Thedas. he could tell that instantly. it wasn't the fade either and Magic didn't work here...

he looked down at his hands  
"I don't remember anything..." he said sullenly.   
"I see...sorry to hear that.." the man wrote down a few more notes. this caught Anders attention, the healer didn't have an inkwell yet the quill worked fine, it was.. curious.  
the healer finished his notes and set them aside

"Well Anders... My name is Robert Evens. I am your Doctor. you have been unconscious for two days you seemed pretty malnourished, but besides that in good health if a little anemic due to the poor diet."

what diet? Anders thought. he lived off next to nothing. enough to keep him walking.   
but listening to this Doctor, another healer talk about him was fascinating in a way, the man spoke of things Anders didn't know about. by all the equipment this world was far more advanced in Medical science than Thedas. and they didn't even have magic.

" ...the man who was driving the Car has paid for your medical expenses, so you don't need to worry about that and he also asked to visit you once you woke up"  
"medical Expenses?"  
the Doctor Evens took off his glasses "yes, unfortunately medical care here is expensive without insurance."  
"and he payed for me..." Anders was utter floored. he couldn't imagine anyone doing that back home.. besides Hawke that was

"it does happen. anyway would you allow him to visit"  
"ah, yes of course I need to thank him and pay him back some how"  
the doctor chuckled and nodded.  
"well you should be free to leave the hospital within the next few days I will let you rest for now" with that the Doctor got up and left.

Anders was in a daze for a while after that; this world was... different, to say the least.  
no magic and yet.. he was in almost no pain. he assumed herbs had been used. this hospital was far cleaner than any clinic even the Chantry wasn't as clean. the doctor was pleasant. and if there was no magic... there was no Templars.

a small part of him felt giddy at that thought. he closed his eyes and tried to focus inside himself

"hey Justice.."

silence.

Anders waited a moment his expression falling

"Justice you there? this place its... incredible. I wonder if this is in the fade someplace or beyond maybe its the golden city!"

more silence

Anders paled; he couldn't feel Justice. couldn't hear him. if there was truly no magic. no templars then... no spirits.

Justice was gone.

Anders started to shake. as realization crashed into him;

Justice was gone.. Hawke wasn't here either. he was alone in this world. he had no home. no money. no anything. this world was amazing... but...  
no. no he couldn't think about it. he had given that up. the moment he set the bomb off. he had given up his life in Kirkwall with his friends.  
he thought he would die and maybe he did. maybe Justice is back in the Fade Hawke and the others think he is dead.

it would be fine. this wasn't what Anders expected. but it was his lot.   
that didn't stop the tears however. the once-mage curled up in the bed and sobbed quietly.  
until he was asleep again.

-

the next few days passed relatively uneventful. Anders had been allowed to walk around a little. he spoke to some other patients. the elderly man in the room next to his, Tom, was his name, was being treated for something called Cancer. by the way the man spoke it was terminal but he seemed... content;   
"I am in no pain and I have lived a long life. I am here for my Children mostly- they aren't ready to let me go in peace"

Anders spent most of his time talking to Tom. learning about his life the history of the world this country he was in. the man had been a solder and had served in a great war that spanned almost the whole world. Anders soaked up all the information he could.  
on the third day they were playing a game called Checkers when Tom asked him;

"so.. are you going to tell me how you got here?"  
"I don't remember" Anders said without looking up from the game, Tom tilted his head and smiled a cheeky old man smile.  
"you don't look like a man who remembers nothing. your shoulders are too heavy. and your gaze too sad. go on I love a good yarn~"  
Anders chuckled and played his next move on the board   
"you woulnd't believe me..." he said with a shrug  
Tom lent forward a twinkle in his eyes "try me.."

it took a while for Anders to get started but when he did he could hardly stop.  
he kept it as simple as he could and Tom listened with interest asking questions now and again.  
Anders couldn't possible explain everything though and when he finished he slumped back in his chair.

the small room went silent for a long time after that as Tom organised the board for a new game  
"sounds to me like you've been given a second chance" the old man spoke suddenly  
"pardon?"  
"do you have cloth ears?" he asked with a raised brow "I'm not sure how much I believe. sounds far to fantasy to me; elves, Magic- bleh, but regardless if thats what you believe happened in your life then it sounds like you have been given a second chance"

Anders huffed "maybe"  
"and I would say you should write a book. if your lying you have one hell of an imagination" they both laugh and continued their game until Anders was told to return to his own room.

it felt good to talk about it all to someone wither or not Tom believes him so far Anders had only met kind people in this world. being without his magic would take some getting used to. but if it was truly a Maker given second chance. it was a damned good one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this and the first Chapter could be one really. Wrote on the same night. after this hopefully Chapters will be longer~  
> I hope you all enjoyed


	3. Home.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders learns more about the world he lives and gets some visitors

on the morning of the forth day Anders sat in his bed. staring down  at the black thing that had sat in his room, untouched.  
he had noticed it before but thought little of it, there was already so much he needed to know about, he had learnt a lot about the Hospital about the different medicines and thankfully people assumed his lack of knowledge was due to his amnesia and were more than happy to answer his questions.   
  
so now he sat staring at the weird, flat black thing  it was almost reflective and he could see a warped version of himself in it , it couldn't possibly be a mirror?  
tapping at the door drew his attention away and doctor Evens, with his ever present smile was standing at his door  
"Hello Doctor" Anders greeted and the man returned his greeting in kind.  
"so. I'd say later today you'll be free to go" The doctor got right to the point  
"you're healing nicely. I say the cast should remain for a few weeks however. -" he looked at his notes "and your adjusting well, considering..." he railed off  
  
"but where will I go?" Anders asked sheepishly the Doctor rubbing his nose  
"we have been thinking about that. but this afternoon we'll get back to you; don't worry we wont leave you on the streets that for sure. for now relax. have a shower.  watch some TV"  
The doctor grabbed an object  on the bedside table and pointed it to the black thing on the wall. the thing- the TV lit up  and  Anders jumped and the Doctor chuckled.  
"I noticed you staring at it. I keep forgetting your basically a blank slate.  the TV- Telly vision- shows pictures. you can catch up on world events with the news" he pressed a button on the thing in his hand  and the screen flipped to a woman sitting at a desk talking about politics and a war in the east.  
"you can watch movies" again he pressed a button and the screen changed again  this time it was men in weird outfits riding horses "documentaries" he changed the channel again and the screen went blue  and a great  creature appeared as a voice spoke over the image explaining what it was  
  
"this is amazing" Anders said  and the Doctor chuckled tossing him the remotes  
"its a whole new world for you. son -  use that wisely" he winked  Anders looked down to the remote - another thing he had ignored- and nodded tot he doctor  
"thank you doctor" he said  
  
"yours is an interesting case. you really are  a blank slate like a child almost. I would say though, take everything you hear wit a grain of salt, and do your own research if you want to learn more. there are libraries and the internet  to help you educate yourself" the Doctor moved to leave Anders be when the once mage called after him  
"the Internet?" the Doctor looked over his shoulder and smiled   
"you'll find out- like I said whole new world" with that he was gone  
  
Anders smiled and sat back in his bed,   
 _if only you knew_ he thought.  
  
-  
  
Anders Spent the better part of the day watching Documentaries. they mostly seemed to be about wildlife and the nature of the world there were a few on history too  all were fascinating and the voice over was pleasant to the ear.   after dinner Anders went into the bathroom- he discovered over the past few days that he loved the cleanliness of this world. the shower was the best thing.  he figured it all worked similar to dwarven pluming  and there were many _many_ different soaps  he could use  and all smelt amazing. the water was hot from the tap too. another amazing thing, it seemed to Anders without Magic or the Chantry this world had flourished with science and technology . without Magic people had to be creative, there were no easy fixes and they could experiment without any sign of religious over sight;  
  
of course there was religion in this world, Anders had explored enough to find the small chapel the Hospital had. and from what he learned there were many religious people and  religions  but it didn't seem to govern every aspect of their lives;  faith seemed to help some while others turned to science and there was a weird balance to it. of course he had seen and heard of extremists - but, of course there would be. just like in Thedas.  
  
over all Anders was content, it felt weird and lonely at times, not having Justice or Magic. but he wasn't in any pain, he had a full stomach, there were no Templars. a part of him ached now and again though, he wished he could experience this with his friends, he even missed bickering with Fenris. Fenris would have loved this world, Anders figured,  without the Magic or fade the Lyrium would have been rendered inert, Fenris would be free of the chronic pain he felt.  and Slavery seemed to be a thing of the distant past in this world too.  
a sad smile crossed his face as he exited the bathroom.  
  
"Hi~"  
the cheery voice made Anders jump  and his gaze shot to the door to his room, for a moment everything froze, like ice and filled his body then it melted instantly and was replaced with an aching warmth.  
Merrill was standing at his door, peering in nervously. at least she looked like Merrill- there was no sign of Dalish Tattoos and her ears... were round.  her eyes were still huge though, big and green and as he remembered her  
"sorry- I didn't realize you were in the shower  ah I can come back" that voice...  so soft and sweet  
"no its ok" Anders said nearly dazed at what he was seeing   
  
Merrill smiled   
"Okay~ while erm Hi, again, My names Merrill and, ah, well, this is a little Awkward; I'm the one who hit you, well I was driving but it wasn't my car, the car belongs to my boyfriend,  
but then yes I was driving so it was me I can't blame the car can I- ah sorry I'm rambling I'm a little nervous"  
oh yeah this was Merrill "erm, I -i wanted to apologize, so so much, I felt Awful.   
the police and the paramedics and everyone said it wasn't my fault  that you were ill or something and walked out, but still I hit you and your arm and the doctors said you lost your memories and I just-"   
  
Anders put his hand up  stopping her before she burst into tears  
"its ok" he said with  a smile still staring at her "its ok..." he said again he felt his eyes stinging; he had never felt comfortable with Merrill, she was sweet but her blood magic set him on edge. but this Merrill.. she had no blood magic. she wasn't even and Elf  
but it was still Merrill. she rambled the same way, her expressions were the same, this was Merrill, living and breathing in front of him.  
"I... had no memory before the accident thats why i was confused, i woke up in the park  like that" he felt awful for lying to her but...  
"oh you poor dear" she said her hands coming to her mouth   
"well that settles it then though"  
  
"settles what?"  
  
"you're coming home with us" Merrill said authoritatively, Anders nearly fell over.  
"we were told you had no ID and no place to live so my boyfriend and I were talking, we have a spare room in our apartment, been empty for a few years now. you can stay with us until you are settled and can get a place for yourself."  
Anders mouth fell open   
"you- you don't have to" he started but Merrill shook her head  
"its the least we can do. and we can't leave you alone in a Hostel or hotel like the Doctors were thinking-"  
"but you already payed for the Medical expenses"  
"my boyfriend did, yes, on his insurance.  but we don't mind really  we want to help"  
  
Anders swallowed. it felt like a weight had been lifted and at the same time his chest hurt from just... all of it. Merrill was here in front of him, giving him a place to stay. giving him security. a hand went to his mouth as the tears he had been holding back finally  fell   
"and-a..and whats you're Boyfriends name?" he asked, thinking he knew the answer, there was only one man he could think of...  
"oh sorry I should have said; his names Garrett Hawke; he proffers it if you just call him Hawke though" Anders fell to his bed instantly sobbing  as he sat there. repeating 'thank you' over and over again.   
not just for her kindness but to the Maker himself;  
he wasn't alone anymore, his friends were here, they didn't know him but they were here, a version of them existed in this world and he suddenly didn't feel so alone.  he didn't feel like a part of him was missing. this truly was a second chance at his life.  
Merrill was at his side trying to comfort him holding out, a tissue for him. and he did what he never thought he would do; Anders hugged her. clinging to her  for dear life    
"thank you" he said again. her hand was going through his longer hair his beard- a weeks worth of growth  itched against her skin but Merrill didn't move. she just smiled and looked back to the door,  
to the broad man who now stood there with a grin on his face.   
  
\--  
  
 a few hours and  a lot of  paper work and a heartfelt goodbye to Tom  later, Anders was walking out of the Hospital with Merrill and Hawke, it all felt very surreal, particular because he was still in his clothes from  Kirkwall,    
"thats a nice coat" Merrill said happily "are those the only clothes you have?" she asked Anders nodded sheepishly.  
"don't worry, bro" Hawke pipped up while going through his pockets for his Car keys "you can borrow some of my clothes until we go out and get you more"  
"you really don't need to"  
"do you plan to walk around naked?" Hawke looked back at him with a raised brow. looking Anders up down "can't say I really mind. but others might" he grinned   
Merrill said nothing but her smile gave away the image that was floating around in her mind. they had both seen Anders in just a hospital robe. it didn't leave much to the imagination.  
  
Anders was about to say something  when he saw their 'car'  this was what had hit him. it looked... not nearly as scary as he first thought. he had seen cars moving and stationery from out the hospital windows and it had been explained to him how they worked. it was all rather interesting but he still felt weary  these things could be fast, he knew people could die if they were hit by one, he got lucky.   
"it doesn't bite" Hawke said  with a smile "hope in back- the Doctor explained to us you pretty muhc no nothing of - everything, i promise its not to bad"  
  
Anders nodded "Thanks I have been learning but... " he couldn't think of a word to describe how he felt. Hawke patted his shoulder  
"don't worry; I promise before the end of the month, you will know Cars, bikes, fast food, video games and you'll love it"   
"please don't get him addicted to Call of duty," Merrill begged "that game is awful and I have enough of you playing it"  
"best series  of games ever"  
"nope"  
"yes"  
"I'm not having this argument wiht you again Hawke; Anders don't listen to him" Merrill climbed into the  car and Hawke opened the back door  for Anders.   
"climb in that thing there-" he pointed at the seat belt "will keep you safe-" he explained how to use it and let Anders slide awkwardly into the car while Hawke  went to the drivers seat  Anders did as he was instructed  and looked around at the interior.  
it all looked; expensive.  he didn't know what half the stuff was. buttons and fabrics and metal but he could tell it must cost a lot.  he had never been in anything that felt so.. comfortable.   
then the engine started.  
  
Anders jumped in his seat then sank down  he went pale "ah this is-" Merrill looked back at him her eyes going wide   
"oh dear- Hawke wait!" he said and got out of the car. she went to the back and sat next to Anders taking his hand. "its ok" he soothed   
"this place... I noticed everything is loud. the hospital. Cars even the people!" Anders tried to steady his breath "and its vibrating?"  
"thats the engine- you must have come from a very rural background" Merrill said rubbing his back "its ok you'll get used to it.  Hawke I don't think Call of Duty is for him" Hawke sighed defeated   
"I knew you'd say that- don't worry Anders. we'll get you straight home and you can relax"  
  
the car ride was awful. Hawke drove as saftly as he could and even put the radio on low so Anders had something to focus on that wasn't the engine or other cars.   
but it was still fast for Anders. it wasn't like this with Horses. or even a horse pulled cart. the ride was smooth but he could see everything out of the window practically fly by. and for the first time in his life he was thankful Merrill was there. she held his hand. and nattered and  smiled whenever he looked to her.  
they were both so kind. and they were so much like he remembered but at the same time, different.   
  
he was so happy when the car stopped.  
  
the building where Hawke and Merrill lived was huge. they explained they only had one apartment in the building and it was filled with others  who lived there. but their apartment was nothing to scoff at.  
it was big. and... it was Hawkes.  
even in this world Hawke was Hawke.  
the home was lived in. a little cluttered. there was tacky art on the walls. there was a huge TV and a nice kitchen and doors leading off to other rooms.  there were touches of Merrill too. much like back home. thick tombs and incense and wind chimes it smelt fresh and welcoming.  
  
and like Hawkes home in Kirkwall. there was a dog- only this wasn't a Mabari. the short fluffy thing bounded over when they entered  Merrill instantly went down to pick the thing up.  
"this is Rocket. he is A Corgi"  
"and he is our son" Hawke Added dryly "I wanted a lab or something but no. we have small fluffy son"  
 Anders smiled and patted Rocket. he hadn't been a fan of Bear back home too big and slobbering but this one... this was actually kinda cute  
"Hello fluffy son" the Corgi   huffed and then struggled to get out of Merrills grasp.  she put him down and he padded off to his bed.  
  
"well-" Hawke said "lets give you the tour"   
Hawke Showed Anders around while Merrill started on Dinner  
the apartment was big. the bathroom was perfect  everything felt, homely,  and so Hawke. until the came to the last room.  
"this will be yours" Hawke said as he opened the door  
the room was empty but for a bed, a chest of draws a desk and a wardrobe. the walls were a cream colour and the carpet was thick and blue.  
"its not much but once you get some stuff you can make it you" Hawke explained "we had a friend staying with us a little while ago. when he moved out into his own place we kinda just didn't do anything with the room- figured we could leave it for guests. you can hang posters get your own tv of computer. - but for now your welcome to use mine what do you think"  
Anders looked around the room. his mouth open  
  
"its lovely thank you" he said as he looked back to Hawke "..for everything. this is-"  
"hey! stop that. no crying or thanking you've done enough of that" Hawke wiggled his finger at Anders "we'll help you get set up. when your ready you can move out.  
i'll see about getting you a job too. but once you do you can help with Rent and stuff. and no making mess. we have a perfect level of chaos; if you add or take away or anything it will ruin the feeling I have worked years to create" Hawke's voice held a level of mock seriousness that made Anders laugh. not chuckle like he had done but fully belly laugh. even as tears started to fall from his eyes.  
Hawke was Hawke. Merrill was Merrill. he had his own room. he was safe.  
  
he was home.   
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed~


	4. The Way you Look Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders adventure continues

A month and Half.

thats how long it had been since Hawke and Merrill brought Anders into their home. and he had learnt a great deal in that time. he absorbed information like a sponge. and the Internet helped a lot.. when he wasn't watching Cat videos.  
Hawke worked long shifts. while Merrill studied. so Anders was left to his own devises most days. which he spent in his room or on the Computer. Just learning.  
when he wasn't doing that Merrill was showing him around the city, he saw heart breaking movies and cartoons, had lunch in Cafes, they even had a spar day which... was different to say the least. he had learnt a lot about Merrill in that time too. she was studying to become a History Teacher.  
she had a passion of folk lore among other things. she liked to make little trinkets, he saw sides of her he had never seen, or he had and ignored on account of her blood magic.  
in a way Merrill was no different here than she was in Kirkwall, in another way, she was completely different. it was both fascinating and heartbreaking Anders found himself a few times wanting to apologize to her, but knew this Merrill would never understand why.

when Hawke was home, like in Kirkwall, the days were an Adventure; unlike the relaxing times with Merrill Hawke took Anders to Arcades, they saw action moves and romcoms. instead of cafes they went to fast food joints and rock climbing and to bars.  
this Hawke worked in a busy high class, bar and restaurants that had a hotel attached; the Owner of which, Anders was pleased to discover, was Varric. from what he could find out the Varric of this world was a quiet man. he dutifully worked on his paper work in the back of the bar but he had eyes on everything. he watched and he listened and would occasionally make sarcastic humorous comments. at least that's what Hawke said.  
everything here was little different - Hawke was far more chilled out and compassionate about everything he did while the Hawke back in Kirkwall, though still caring was aggressive in his nature. both had a wonderfully dry sense of humor though.  
Anders both dreaded and looked forward to meeting the others if he ever did, occasionally Anders swore he could see people he reconsidered in the crowds in the City - which he now knew to be called New York.

he saw others...Like Karl;

The three of them had been out together that day. to the Park Anders had woken up in. they were walking Rocket and chatting when Anders saw him. it was only a glimpse at first. he looked different. older. but it was Karl.  
in a suit and tie and his beautiful soft eyes and messy graying hair.  
Anders hadn't realized he had dropped the bagel he was eating and had taken off after Karl. he ran, vaguely aware of Merrill and Hawke running after him.  
he reached Karl and without thinking grabbed his arm so the older man would turn to look at him.

Anders was met with a look of alarm, as Karl snatched his arm away looking utterly offended by Anders.  
Anders felt himself break for a moment. it was similar to when Karl was made tranquil but instead of a dead gaze there was confusion, and air of repulsion.

Anders had apologized and stepped away telling the man he had though him someone else. just as Hawke and Merrill caught up.  
they apologized too but Karl waved his hand. telling them it was fine.  
when they walked away Merrill and Hawke tried to ask Anders what happened. but he wouldn't speak. not until they got home.  
he explained he thought he knew that man. and then he cried;

he cried because he didn't know him. just as he really didn't know Hawke or Merrill in this world.  
he cried because he had never seen Karl look at him that way.  
and he cried because, before leaving the Park, Anders had looked back and saw a little girl with the same kind of messy hair come running up to Karl. he watched his old friend, his old lover scoop her up and spin her around while they laughed.  
he watched a woman with a push chair and an infant kiss Karl on the cheek lovingly.

Anders wasn't sure if he was crying because he was heartbroken or because he was overjoyed.

Karl had gotten what they had both dreamed of while in the Circle... only...

only it wasn't with him.

\--

it was early September now. a full two months since Anders had arrived. and days had become pleasantly routine.  
currently he and Merrill wore setting up the dining table for dinner. they could hear Hawke bounding up the stairs to their apartment. but they still jumped when he practically kicked in the door  
"Honey I'm Home!" he said loudly. their dog ran around his ankles begging to be picked up but Hawke ignored the dog for now. which was very uncharacteristic of him Anders noted.  
Merrill Giggled while Hawke gave her a wet smooch  
"had a good day then" Anders said as he went back to the kitchen, not really wanting to see the display  
"a very good day~" Hawke called after him. Andrs returned with some plates just as Merrill managed to push Hawke from her.

"tell us what happened then?" she said as Hawke finally scooped Rocket up giving the pup a cuddle  
"well. you know how I have been working over time and pay dues and being a good boy all around" he said Merrill rolled her eyes  
"unfortunately"

Anders snorted "are you saying you like bad boys Merrill?"  
the for mentioned woman turned bright pink and blustered  
"n-no thats not what I meant at all. I meant about his work I missed him"  
Anders chuckled while Hawke wiggled his brow

"but I am a bad boy~ AAAAnyway!" he set the dog down "I have been working extra hard. partly because we have three people and Anders in the house"  
"hey!"  
"shush puppy counts as people- and I got you a job! so no complaining" Anders blinked  
"what?"  
Hawke beamed  
"Varric is always reluctant to hire newbies. he says cos it costs for training, I think he just doesn't like all his paperwork. anyway I begged him, i explained your situation- and we are kinda understaffed anyway. so we made a deal.  
if I worked double shifts for two months and do all the worst jobs- and I mean the worst - he would hire you"  
Hawke paused.. "Well.. he'll give you an Interview and a test shift. but thats better than nothing"

Anders mouth fell open and Merrill jumped up  
"thats amazing!" she said "we'll have to get you a suit for the interview and practice what to say" she turned to Hawke.  
"but why was he so 'ehh' about giving Anders an Interview?"  
"well he has no documentation so we would have to make it all and theres a bunch of legal stuff.. like i said I think deep down the old man just hates his job and doesn't want to add to it"

their conversation faded into the background while Anders stood there stunned.  
he had thought Hawke just worked long hours anyway but know he had worked so hard for him made his heart flutter a little.  
Anders had been applying for work but no one was hiring. and all the while Hawke was doing this.

"I- thank you.. thank you so much Hawke I don't know what to say"  
Hawke winked at him  
"just start putting stuff towards rent, not much, but it'll sure help us out while all three of us are here." Anders nodded  
"will do. thanks again" Hawke waved his hand dismissively.

"its ok really. it gives you a chance to meet the others too. they know all about you. we might not be able to get your old memories back, but we can help you make new ones, and you'll love Bela, Corf, and my little sister Bethy, she helps out there too"  
Anders grinned recognizing everyone Hawke mentioned. the dinner went by like a haze. Hawke and Merrill nattered as usual. while Anders sat in an almost dreamy state.

\--

 

the day of the interview seemed to come far to quickly. Anders discovered he was actually rather nervous and no amount of pep talking or 'go get'ems' helped in the least. he had never been interviewed for a job before. and the closest feeling he could think of was what he had felt before his Harrowing, nervous jitters made way to cold dread as they pulled up in Hawkes car.  
"I don't know if I can do this" he said to Hawke, as he gripped his knees.  
"please don't throw up in my car" Hawke said as he tapped the wheel "look, Varric isn't a scary guy. if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out. but no matter what happens I will buy you a stiff drink and we'll try again with something else"  
Anders new very well how scary Varric could be. the Dwarf and a 'stare' not a glare or an incriminating look. he would stare he could figure you out and always have a half smile on his lips as he did so. honing in on your weaknesses and dissect you with words.  
it was off putting to say the least. and how Varric Handled Bianca was utterly terrifying.

but this wasn't his Varric. he might not even be a dwarf. did they even have Dwarves in this world? he had seen little people and been informed they were in fact human. he had always found out it was rude to call them Dwarves.  
it took Hawke a few moments of coaxing for Anders to leave the car.  
the building was huge. it look expensive and in interior even more so. Hawke Explained as they went. how it was an older building in the city how it had been renovated how it had been in Varrics Family for years. the bar was beautiful lined with drinks and stools there were a few tables set aside and it had a few pool tables. it looked classier than anything he had been in before.  
looking through a large arch way he saw the restaurant.  
there were a few customers in for lunch. but it made the Bar seem tiny. Hawke Explained some more; about how it was usually busy, but as it was Tuesday the place was dead. Varric hadn't figured out what happened on a Tuesday that turned people away. every other day was packed but for Tuesday. Hawke thought it was a curse.  
having Hawke natter endlessly put Anders at ease some what and he listened with mild interest even as he looked around.

he was led to the back rooms which was less hard wood and more plush carpet as he went to Varrics office Hawke knocked. waited.  
Knocked again "Yo I brought the Sacrifice" there was sounds from within now.  
Anders eyes bulged and he looked to Hawke in horror who only chuckled  
"well not really. he only drinks the blood of pure maidens. its how he maintains his manly chest hair"  
before Anders could respond the door opened

Varric was... Huge. standing at at least six foot maybe more. he was muscular to boot. his shirt was unbuttoned to his chest as long fair hair escaped not too different from the Varric in Kirkwall, besides the chest hair being damn near eye level  
but besides the height Varric looked the same. even as he filled the door and looked over his glasses at Anders  
"not much meat on him" he rumbled and raised a brow  
"Merrill has been trying to fatten him up" Hawke filled in Varric chuckled  
"with those Veggie burgers she makes? she will need more than Tofu.- aright Blondie. no need to keep staring I'm know i'm beautiful but lets get this over with. "  
the air of informality helped Anders relax some what but he could not get over the size of Varric. the taller blonde stepped aside for Anders to Enter  
"will... Hawke be joining us?" Anders asked as he noticed that compared to the rest of the building Varrics office was small and cluttered.

"no this is a one on one thing. Hawke" Varric said "will be setting the bar up for this evening. we need to take stock and- y'know" he waved his hand dismissively as Hawke saluted him.  
"aye aye capt' good luck Anders I believe in you." Varric slammed the door shut. he could still hear Hawke talking, apparently Isabella had come to see what was going on and they nattered loudly.

Varric sighed and set his reading glasses aside  
"so- I assume Hawke told about this. I will be rather informal I hate the whole " he waved his hands but couldn't find the world he wanted "when people take interview too seriously they spend too long trying to be impressive and we don't actually meet the people, I wanna make this relaxed and smooth ok" Anders nodded "so don't panic" Anders nodded again  
Varric sat back in his chair and motioned for Anders to sit on the spare one

"okay then... before we begin" he flipped through some papers. "how do you live with Hawke? like, seriously, he never shuts up"  
Anders thought for a moment, not really sure what he should say  
"erh... I have a lock on my door?"

silence passed between them as Varrics lips slowly turned up, then he laughed.  
"ahah- nice one blondie. okay, thats cool. in this place I try to keep everything relaxed. we are like a dysfunctional family and we bust each others chops all the time. once your here for a week or so I'm sure you'll pick it up but you're half way there already"  
Varric flipped through the rest of his papers  
"now paper work will be hard, Hawke explained where you're coming from- sorry to hear that by the way. but it means we don't have any formal education background no other jobs to check not even a birthday on record"  
Anders nodded along

"they did tell me about that-" Anders started "we decided that my birthday could be the day I arrived- I mean.. well woke up sorry" and there it was. the stare all joking left the room as Varric regarded him

"arrived?"

"sorry I.. Get mixed up sometimes. not often.. just" he couldn't tell the truth but maybe "sometimes it feels like I arrived from a different world- Like when I woke up I knew nothing about anything. I didn't even know what a Plane was" Varric raised a brow  
and Anders continued  
"I mean, when I woke up. the first thing I noticed was a plane over head, and I panicked.. I thought it was some kind of monster and it was chasing me" Varric nodded the smiled returning

"oooh and thats why you ran out in-front of Hawkes car.. ok I get it now. I had wondered. "

"its kind of embarrassing"

Varric laughed "well I wont tell anyone Blondie." Anders relaxed a little more. it was the truth but then it wasn't it was good enough.  
the rest of the interview continued smoothly enough Anders thought;  
he answered questions as best he could and Varric explained the details of the job better than Hawke ever had. as well as offering to handle getting Anders the documentation he needed.  
the interview ended with Anders with Hawke behind the bar with the later explaining it all to Anders as well as health and safety.  
it was well into the late afternoon when they Finished and Anders was asked to sit around and shadow Hawke watch how he worked

Anders learned that while Varric was the Owner and did all the major Paperwork and the Hotel side of the business. Isabella Managed the restaurant while Hawke Managed the bar with a few other employees scattered around flitting between all three areas. and Anders new he had only met about half of them. and he hadn't had a chance to see Isabella yet either, but knowing she was there was a weird comfort. as much as the others. he wasn't in a rush though he knew she wouldn't know him at all.

people started to fill the rooms the noise once again became almost too much for him as he sat at in the corner with Varric as he examined every aspect of the Job he was going to be doing.  
and filled out a few forms for Varric.

at one point Anders Attention was grabbed as Hawke called out for someone. the crowd of people shifted and moved while something was brought into the room.  
Varric looked up  
"oh.. the entertainment is here" he said  
"entertainment?"Anders asked  
"we have bands and such come in from time to time. I think-" Varric stood and peered over the crowd "yeah. this is one of our regulars"  
Varric chuckled "like music?"  
"erm yeah but I don't get to listen much. " Anders turned his attention back to their forms and idol conversation with Varric. he could hear the stage being set up.

conversation dried up as Varric was pulled away for more businesslike stuff and Anders moved to the bar. he had the job and Hawke rewarded him with the drink he promised.

_"Some day, when I'm awfully low~"_

Anders head shot up. and he looked around

_"When the world is cold_   
_I will feel a glow just thinking of you_   
_And the way you look tonight"_

the crowd cheered and Anders stood. he was sure he knew that voice... but, surely not?  
he pushed through the crowd a little to get a better look at the stage

_"Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm_   
_And your cheeks so soft_   
_There is nothing for me but to love you_   
_And the way you look tonight"_

the background music played through speakers attached to a laptop. but the singer held the mic and tapped his foot along with the music.  
Anders couldn't believe his eyes or his ears.

_"With each word your tenderness grows_   
_Tearin' my fear apart_   
_And that laugh, wrinkles your nose_   
_Touches my foolish heart_

_Lovely, never, never change_   
_Keep that breathless charm_   
_Won't you please arrange it?_   
_'Cause I love you_   
_just the way you look tonight"_

the crowd that gathered were going wild. most of which were woman.  
even Anders couldn't deny; the man was beautiful. then he realized with a mixture of amazement and disbelief that standing on the stage before him. was none other than Fenris.

Fenris swayed his hips as he sang. his short dark hair slightly spiked bobbed with each movement the man made.  
the stage lights reflected in olive eyes perfectly. his dark skin. not marred with tattoos or scars looked soft and utterly flawless.  
the suit fitted as perfectly as his Armour used to.  
but even with all the differences this was indeed Fenris. and Fenris was singing!

_"And that laugh that wrinkles your nose_   
_It touches my foolish heart_

_Lovely, don't you ever change_   
_Keep that breathless charm_   
_Won't you please arrange it?_   
_'Cause I love you_   
_just the way you look tonight_

_Just the way you look tonight~"_

and he was singing amazingly. Anders realized he was gawking and stepped back into the crowd, blood rushing to his cheeks as he ran to the safety of the bar where Hawke was ready with a coy grin.  
"so did you throw your panties on the stage"  
"shut up Hawke" Anders said as he tried to hide his face. the crowd was applauding and then the next song started.  
of all the ways he thought he would see Fenris in this world. this was the last one Anders had Imagined.  
"he's talented though" Hawke continued  
"he is.. "Anders agreed  
"cute too?"  
he was.  
Anders had never been allowed to feel much for anyone back home. Justice forbid it. Anders wasn't allowed to do anything that detracted from their mission.  
but whenever Fenris had been around the spirit would go weak in the knees like a teenager.  
the fade. Fenris had exuded it. out of every pore on his god damn body. with every breath. if Fenris was around Justice would either become deathly quiet as he soaked up the feeling of the fade. of his home.  
or he would start to talk, insistently. trying to get Anders to go closer to touch Fenris. at one point it got so bad it plagued his dreams. the thought of licking at Fenris' Lyrium lines.  
and it was infuriating, those weren't his dreams, they had been justices, and what made it worse; Fenris was an insufferable prick-

no... no he hadn't been, he had suffered as much as Anders had but with Justice he just couldn't see it, he couldn't see past mage rights which Fenris had been against- for valid reasons of his own.  
Anders hadn't thought about that before, his head hit the top of the bar, another thing he felt he needed to apologize for but knew he never could.

"do you know him very well...?" Anders asked as he looked up to Hawke  
"who, Fen? yeah, he used to work here a few years back, did singing then too.. but stuff happened"  
"what stuff?"  
"i dunno, stuff, I'm not gonna give you his life story - anyway he comes in still to chill and sing but mostly keeps to himself,"  
Anders looked back over his shoulder to Fenris the man was still singing and looking like he clearly enjoyed it. his voice was heavenly.

Fenris's gaze scanned the crowd and winked in Anders direction. it could have been to anyone. but that look.  
Anders turned his gaze back to his drink keeping his face down while Hawke laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> conversations are hard to write. I'm not sure how Ooc I'm making the characters but then I tell myself they aren't really meant to be OC... besides Anders.  
> anyway, I wasn't sure when to end this chapter and I thought it was about time i introduced Fenris, this is a Fenders fic after all.  
> the next chapter might be for Fenris POV i don't know yet.  
> I hope you all are enjoying it so far. 
> 
> also check out Gideon Emery singing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qa1p54qKJ8I


	5. the Singer and the Kitten.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fenris meets Hawke and Merrills new room mate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this Chapter focuses more on Fenris with a little Anders.  
> I feel like we can finally start on the shipping. YAY.  
> I hope you are enjoying this. sorry its mostly dialog.

Fenris rolled his eyes at the elaborate chalk sign that had been drawn up that evening outside of the 'Blooming Rose' clearly they had either left Garrett to his own devises that day.  
at least people would know he was playing that evening...  
Fenris entered the building and looked around as per usual for a Tuesday the restaurant was slow, with only a few couples having a meal and one Family the Bar however was a lively which was good for him at least.

Hawkes Voice reached his ears and Fenris turned his gaze to the bar. smiling in acknowledgement before setting some of his equipment down and heading over  
"Yo" Hawke greeted "usual?"  
"please." Feris replied sitting down at a stool. "I'll start my set in a moment, sorry I'm late" Hawke waved his hand  
"don't worry about it. I haven't seen you in a while how are things going?"  
Fenris shrugged "same old. started my final year at the University"  
Hawke smiled as he passed Fenris a glass of deep red wine.  
"enjoying it?"  
"Hawke you know how much I hate small talk" Fenris sighed and lifted his glass to his lips  
"yeah But I haven't seen you, and you don't post much on Facebook either"  
"when have I ever"  
"besides memes"  
"besides memes-" he sighed "I ... just have had a lot on my mind, I don't feel like sharing."  
Hawke nodded knowingly "fair enough... I can guess anyway"

yes he could, Hawke knew him far too well, they had known each other since high school and lived together for a few years even before Hawke met Merrill,  
Hawke didn't need to ask half the time he did so because he cared and Fenris understood that. didn't stop it being irritating however.  
"...how is he?"  
" _I don't want to talk about it_ " he bit out his words that time. even as Hawke had lowered his voice, sounded more sincere. Hawke pulled away then if he were a puppy his tail would have been between his legs.

"I... apologize Garrett. I know you mean well"  
"its alright Fen... as long as you're ok. you're my bro, bro. and I missed you"  
"and yet you replace me I hear~"  
Hawke mocked a gasp while he took another order from some patrons  
"How did you-?"  
"you hear a lot of things through the grape vine"  
"Isabella?"  
"...Isabella"  
"man, she sucks at keeping secrets" Hawke pouted, Fenris huffed a laugh  
"He's a cool guy, little lost though. Merrill hit him with the car- turns out he had no memories so-"  
"so you took him in like that dog of yours"  
"hey, firstly he is more like a Kitten, he likes all things cats and I'm pretty sure Anders would take offence if you called him a puppy. secondly and most importantly; be nice about Rocket. he is peoples and he is your brother"  
"I'm not your son and its a dog, also not your son."  
" you wound me. go sing I can't even look at you right now" Fenris chuckled as Hawke dismissed him. he got up as Hawke shot him a playful wink.

attention started to turn to the stage as he set up his equipment, which luckily for this evening wasn't much; Fenris checked the mic a few times then started to sing.  
instantly the small crowd that gathered was gripped. a few people whooped and whistled and he smiled. it was so easy for Fenris to forget when he sang. he could pretend he was elsewhere. it made people happy, it made himself happy.  
he scanned the crowded and his smile broadened as he noticed a few familiar faces, even Isabella had stopped serving in the dinning room to poke her head in to listen to him.  
nearing the end of the song he noticed a man. with his blonde hair tied into a loose messy bun. unlike the rest of the crowd he wasn't dancing or singing along he looked frozen in place. staring up in amazement almost reverently.  
Fenris had never had someone look at him like that, not even during his first ever set. it was mildly concerning and it threw him off for a few seconds.  
the blonde man seemed to realize he was staring, his cheeks turning red as he backed up to the bar sitting on the stool Fenris had previously been sitting on.  
he watched Hawke laugh and lean in to talk to him.

ah~ so was this was Garrett's Kitten?  
the blonde man turned his gaze back to the stage and Fenris winked at him. it was hard to tell by how the light dimmed but Fenris was sure the male turned an even deeper shade of red before looking away again.  
the song ended and the small crowd cheered.  
the next song began and Fenris turned his focus back onto the music.

 _The very thought of you makes my heart sing_  
_Like an April breeze on the wings of spring,_  
_And you appear in all your splendor,_  
_My one and only love._

 _"The shadows fall and spread their mystic charms_  
_In the hush of night while you're in my arms._  
_I feel your lips, so warm and tender,_  
_My one and only love._

 _The touch of your hand is like heaven,_  
_A heaven that I've never known._  
_The blush on your cheek whenever I speak_  
_Tells me that you are my own._

 _You fill my eager heart with such desire._  
_Ev'ry kiss you give sets my soul on fire._  
_I give myself in sweet surrender,_  
_My one and only love."_

the crowd cheered again and Fenris opened his eyes smiling. the crowd seemed a little bigger than the beginning of the song, clearly others had walked in from the streets, looking back to the bar, he could see both Hawke and the blonde man watching him; the blonde man, who was probably Anders, was clapping with the rest of the crowd now, the look of amazement still there but the man seemed so happy.  
Fenris grinned perfect white teeth gleaming as he lifted his hand signaling to Hawke that he would like another drink, this time, water.

after a few moments for him to clear his throat and prepare he started the next song. and then next and then next. until it was an hour later and he was sweating under the stage lights.  
"I'm just going for a break, I'll see you all again in fifteen minuets" he said with a wink to the crowd. he grabbed his glass and tried to make his way to the bathroom-  
tried. he was stopped a few times by people all asking him things he had heard a hundred times before. and he answered the same way to all of them.

_"do you have an Album?"_

_"yes on Itunes"_

_"do you only do covers?"_

_"currently"_

_"can I have your autograph"_

_"of course but I wouldn't say its worth much"_

over and over until he could finally escape. first to relieve himself and then to the alley next to the bar.  
the cool air was more than refreshing and Fenris found himself taking a moment just to breath it in.

"y-you sound incredible..."  
Fenris span on his heel looking further into the Alley to see the blonde man. he must have startled him by the sudden movement because the blonde male backed up slightly and put his hands up  
"I'm sorry- I didn't mean to- I was out here to get some air. I'm not really used larger crowds" Fenris relaxed his stance and smiled  
"heh, neither am I- thank you its good to know people enjoy my singing" he turned away then reaching into his pocket to grab a pouch. he pulled a cigarette from it and put it to his mouth  
"I noticed you watching and Hawke talking to you" Fenris said as he light the cigarette

"ah.. yes- sorry I-" the man paused and Fenris watched him curiously almost forgetting to suck in air and letting the cigarette go out. the man looked to be in deep though. almost confused. then the man shook his head and continued  
"sorry... My name is Anders, I should have introduced myself"  
"I figured" Fenris said through puffs of smoke.  
"I..." Anders paused again, lost in his own mind. "sorry"  
"you say that a lot" Fenris quipped  
"yeah, I'm.. not very good at this"  
"at what? you've not done anything"  
"I..." Anders stepped back intending to run away back inside, Fenris sighed more smoke escaping from between his lips.

"wait... I never make good first impressions." he turned fully to face Anders " if I upset you, I apologize"  
Anders visibly relaxed.  
"you didn't upset me.. I just, I dunno, got nervous? I don't normally stutter like that... todays been a big day"  
Fenris nodded  
"do you smoke?"  
"what?"  
"smoke?" Fenris held up the cigarette as he breathed out a little air "might help you relax"  
Ander gingerly stepped closer and took what was offered him. he took a drag and then coughed, Fenris chuckled which turned into a full laugh as Anders nearly doubled over coughing

"thats disgusting!"  
"I know"  
"why would you do that I feel like I've breathed in forge fumes" Anders coughed again and Fenris laughed again  
"thats not exactly how I would describe it. they aren't meant to be good for you, I've been meaning to quit for years."  
Anders made a noise  
"I can't get the taste from my mouth"  
"heh, you will- so how are you finding that room" Anders handed the cigarette back as Fenris spoke Anders stopped his gagging to look up at Fenris. the pieces seeming to click together in his mind

"wait.. so you were-"  
"Hawke Roommate yes, does the window still have that annoying crack in it?" Anders grinned  
"in the bottom corner. yeah" Fenris shook his head  
"I told him to do something about that when I left"  
"He did- he put tape over it"  
"Tape-... fucking Garrett" Fenris chuckled "the mans a moron. well. whatever. word of advise though; invest in a small heater for your room- in the winter its the only part of that blighted apartment that gets bitterly cold"  
Anders nodded with a smile and Fenris caught himself staring at the taller male. noticing the little dimples that appeared in his cheeks, the slight crookedness of his teeth that you'd only notice if you stared to long, and the little patch of stubble clearly missed while shaving that was. just. there.

"do you sing here often?" Anders asked.  
"I do.. once or twice a week.. but I've had a break through the Summer. have you been coming here often?" he retorted with his own question.  
"this is my first time. I was actually here for a job interview" Fenris' brow shot up  
"really? how did it go?"  
Anders beamed "I got the job" Fenris smiled

"well done. looks like we might be seeing a lot more of one another then"  
"I think I'll like that" Ander spoke glancing away a little  
"I know I will-" Fenris said softly with a smirk and held up the remains of his cigarette "if only to watch you chock on one of these again"  
Anders laughed then.  
"I'm not going near one of those death sticks again"

"death sticks?" Fenris raised a brow as he threw remains away " Christ. has he got you watching Star Wars then?"  
"Star what?"  
Fenris turned on his heel looking right into Anders eyes, his own almost bugged out in accusation and Alarm  
"You haven't seen Star Wars?"

"erm... no"

" wait, let me re-phrase;" Fenris seemed to become more Animated as he spoke, very similar to how he used to in Thedas  "you've been living with _Garrett Hawke_ for two months and he hasn't _once,_ even suggested watching it?"  
"...no?" Anders looked terrified.  
Fenris stepped back, tapping his foot. and clicked his tongue.

"I need to have words with that man, I lived with him for _years_ and he was obsessed, he made me sit and watch the prequels with him over and _over_. he read the Legends books - he - he"  
"are.. you ok Fenris?" Anders asked timidly utterly dumbfounded by Fenris change in tone.

"no. no I'm not. because if I had to suffer... so must you"  
"is it that bad"  
"the first time its fine. the sixtieth time, not so much"  
Fenris ran his fingers through his hair and silence filled the Alley.

"could... you maybe show me what it is?" Anders asked his voice quiet fearful of Fenris' outburst.  
"I'm not going near those movies again. Lord of the Rings on the other hand-"  
"whats that?" Fenris looked back to Anders a smirk appearing on his features  
before anything else could be said however. the door opened and a busty woman with curled hair appeared

"Fen, when are you coming back people are getting angsty"  
"mean you are, Bella" Fenris said looking back to her "I'll return now, calm down"  
Isabella's gaze snapped to Anders and her look of mild irritation was replaced with a cat like grin  
"hello Handsome~ you must be Anders we've not been introduced I'm Isabella~" he practically pounced on the poor man and Fenris shook his head. "look at him Fen, Merrill was right he is a twig."  
"don't man handle him then."  
"jealous~?"  
"perhaps, also worried for his health"  
"aw well aren't you being nice today~ "  
"I'm always nice" Fenris called back as he entered the building he turned back to Anders "I'll see you later it was fun talking"  
the door closed behind him leaving Bella and Anders in the Alley.

\--

Isabella was... well she was pretty much the same. besides her clothes she was a constant. in any world she was in; she still smelt of the ocean and expensive perfumes. her make up was flawless and her grip was just as painfully strong.  
"so~ how are you finding things Anders?" she asked as she stepped back "this place can be over whelming but I'm glad you got the job here. Hawkes been worried sick over you."  
"he has?" Anders was still in a half daze. that conversation was the most civil he had ever been with the elf- erh.. man. Fenris was different, relaxed and actually quite charming.  
his hair was darker, nearly black and it was shorter framing his features. he was a little more built than in Thedas too, that could just be that he was human same as Varric. Fenris' chest was broader his shoulders wider but his middle was still narrow.  
it was... quite nice, actually, especially in that suit he was sporting..

"Hello~ earth to Anders?" Anders shook his head as Isabella filled his vision. "you looked like you were dreaming~"  
Anders flushed "I wasn't I was.."  
"I don't blame you. _ah~_ " she sighed "Fenris _is_ nice to look at. nicer to touch and kiss and y'know~ but still nice to look at"  
"are you two?"  
Isabella barked a laugh "once. but that was a long time ago. he's a good friend. Fens the kinda guy who will always have your back. now c'mon you or else we will miss him serenade us with his voice"

 _I wouldn't miss it for the world_ , Anders thought to himself as he was dragged back into the bar, where Fenris' voice was already filling the air.


	6. Cards, Questions, thoughts and Panties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders is finally coming to terms with his new life and letting the old one go. there are still questions to be answered but at least he has his new friends~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so I seriously had trouble with this chapter. I'm sorry. lol

Anders spent most of his time watching Hawke work, shadowing him as Varric had instructed. He even took notes on how to mix cocktails. He still found himself getting distracted however, listening to Fenris sing and work the steadily building crowd. Song after song played. Anders knew only a few, having heard Merrill sing them as she cleaned or showered and Anders realized she had probably heard them while listening to Fenris or maybe they learnt together?   
Anders found himself cheering and clapping along with the rest of the crowd and occasionally Fenris would look towards the bar, either to ask for another glass of water or simply to check the clock that hung over the bar - Anders didn't know - but whenever he did, Anders swore Fenris smiled at him, and Anders would smile back.  
a part of him felt foolish however; Anders had spent the past few months trying to figure out how he should view his 'friends' in this world. They had no idea who he was, of his past. They acted the same more or less; they looked the same more or less. But their lives were completely different. The experiences that had shaped them were different.  
Hawke had both his siblings; Carver was training to be a firefighter and Bethany was married. But his mother had unfortunately passed not long after his father.  
Merril didn't come from a clan of Elves but rather a strict and dominating religious family who had disowned her when she ran away at sixteen. she had refused to tell him why she had run, but he highly doubted it was blood magic.   
Anders could only imagine what Fenris, Varric and Isabella's lives were like, and he was curious about Aveline and Sebastian? What were they like in this world? Were they happy? Did they even exist here?   
He wanted to talk to someone about this. He wanted a guiding hand. He wanted to ask so many questions and to explain everything to Hawke and the others. he wished he could go home and apologize for everything he had said. He wished Justice was here with him...  
He felt so lonely. His friends were here but not. Would it be better to just forget and carry on? Was this really a second chance?  
"Excuse me...Anders?"  
a voice pulled Anders from his thoughts and he looked around. The bar was emptying and Bethany leant over the counter, looking at him with a raised brow.   
"We are closing up. Are you staying in?" she asked sweetly.   
Anders ummed for a moment looking around again and Bethany giggled  
"Had you fallen asleep?"  
"Ah, no… I was lost in thought. What time is it?" A blush was creeping up his face   
"About half eleven - we close early on weekdays because of the hotel. The people sleeping upstairs can hear everything we do down here," Bethany explained as she went back to work wiping the counter. "We do, do 'shut ins' for the staff sometimes. I think Garrett said about doing one this evening, so you can get to know everyone. I think Fen might be staying too - I'm not sure"  
Anders nodded and got up from his stool stretching his back.  
"That sounds fun," he said. "Sure I'll stay. Need help?"  
She nodded. "If you could go to the back and wash the left over glasses up, it would be great. Just rinse them then stick 'em in the dishwasher."  
With that, Anders hurried off. The kitchen was huge and he was thankful Isabella was there as well to show him where everything went and how it worked.... then start to tell him about her latest boyfriend.   
The entire thing made him chuckle until he was struck dumb when she said: 'My daughter likes him. they get on well. I hope it works out...'  
In that instant, he saw a side of Isabella he had never seen in Kirkwall, and he was back in his own mind again.  
Maybe it would be best not to view these people like his friends from Thedas. They didn't know him after all so maybe he should view them like strangers - like the stranger he actually was. It felt like a weight was lifted from his shoulders then. He was already getting along well with Hawke and Merrill; circumstance helped with that. But if this was a second chance, he would start treating it like such.  
he asked about Isabella's daughter; the woman beamed. Her daughter was called Colette. She showed him pictures and explained how her father had left her while she was pregnant and how she had basically raised her on her own. Colette was four and loved to color and she had a toy truck she dressed in a dress and pirate hat.   
Anders couldn't help but smile and by the end he was grinning as widely as Isabella was. They left the kitchen laughing together.  
The rest of the group were already sitting around a table, drinks in hand and cards out.  
"We could hear you two from out here," Varric murmured .  
"sorry boss~" Bella said, still grinning. "Anders asked about little Cole - oh did I tell you? She started play school this week. She was so excited. you should see her in her little uniform and her backpack- I have a picture…"  
Anders took his seat while Isabella carried on. The rest of the group was smiling and it took a moment for Bella to settle and sit in her own seat.  
"So Anders," Varric started, "how did you find this evening?"  
"it was fun. I watched Hawke like you said."  
"He was just telling me. We wont be putting you right in the thick of it and serving straight away, but you did well keeping up with him," Varric said with a nod 

"I'll teach him more at home to,." Hawke added   
The conversation about work slowly drizzled out and conversion about Fenris' singing picked up.   
"it was a big crowd this evening, unusual for a Tuesday," Varric said  
"What is with you and Tuesdays?" Bethany mumbled.  
"It’s cursed," Garrett said seriously, and Varric chuckled  
"I'm sure Garrett’s lovely sign out front help draw in the crowd," Fenris said as he lifted his glass to his lips.  
"How did you know it was me who wrote that?"  
"My friend, you are the only one with Calligraphy that flowery. I don't think even Colette uses hearts to dot her 'i's." Fenris said as he lifted his glass to his lips, Isabella snorted her wine and slapped her knee. 

"It’s true - she doesn't," she added to back Fenris up and the group laughed.   
Hawke sank in his chair a blush appearing on his face. "She's only four," he grumbled  
"And yet she can still write better than you, darling."   
The group chuckled again as Hawke sunk deeper into his chair.  
"Can we pick on someone else now?" he mumbled sticking out his lip.  
Bethany rolled her eyes. "Honestly brother..."  
"You like my writing, don't you, sissy?"   
"Yes, it’s very pretty," she said dryly and nudged him. "You're fine. I like your hearts."  
"If we are going to pick on someone else," Varric said as he laid down his cards, folding, "I say we pick on blondie - you did good tonight but I noticed your dreamy eyes at broody. You can't get distracted like that when you're on the job." Varric smirked  
"He was in a world of his own when I found him~" Bethany added.   
Anders looked around the group, his own cheeks heating as all eyes turned to him - all except Fenris, who was staring intently at his phone, his cheeks tinted pink.

"Aw Fen, you have a new biggest fan," Isabella said  
"Someone to replace you?" Fenris said looking up. "Thank god." He looked back down but the smile was clear on his features.  
The group laughed.  
"I'm sorry I was a little distracted Varric. I've never seen... someone sing like that before." Anders had nearly slipped and said 'him' rather than someone. It would be hard to get used too.  
"It’s ok blondie, just letting you know."  
"I think 'a little distracted' is an understatement though, thought for sure you were gonna throw your panties on stage."  
Anders spluttered at Hawk,e looking between him and Fenris, whose gaze had shot up to stare right at him.  
"N-no, I wasn't," he said. "I mean.."  
"you mean you would have?" Fenris asked, a smirk creasing his face. "I am flattered"  
Anders paused. He was sure his blush would be a permanent feature.  
"If you like, Anders, we can go out and look for Panties together. You can get nice silky sexy ones to fling at him," Isabella said  
"As long as they are red," Fenris added. "I like red... or black. Black’s sexy."  
"You guys are mean," Anders whined with a distinct red tint on his face 

"they are. aren't they" Hawke agreed 

"Oh hush both of you" Bethany laughed and put her arm around Anders "you're ok. I was blown away aswell when I first heard Fen sing" she smiled and lent in close so Anders could hear her, she giggled again  
"you are doing well"

"oh yeah, I really feel like I'm part of the family- I also feel like I need to get better panties now though" Ander said as he ran his fingers along the glass he was holding, Bethany raised a brow   
"because... the only ones I own have kittens on them" he continued and he felt Bethany snort rather than heard her

"that's ok, mine are all of the cookie monster or Disney" she giggled "I think only Isabella has sexy underwear"

the rest of the group had been talking amusing themselves too but when Anders looked up from his glass he was met with olive eyes; Fenris was staring at him from across the table. Anders smiled weakly and Fenris winked before his attention was drawn back to Garrett who was telling a story. 

"so how did you find your first day? exciting?" Bethany continued and went back lounging in her seat next to him, one hand on a drink the other tapping her phone. 

"well," Ander started also leaning back in his chair " it was fun, I never knew Garrett worked so hard, and I'm so thankful for what he's done for him" 

Bethany huffed a laugh "yeah that's my brother. " she looked at her glass "after our Mom and dad died he basically raised me and Carver. he's always put other people first and his hearts always on his sleeve giving to homeless or adopting puppies" she smiled "he was a mess when I got married. he could hardly walk down the isle to give me away such, Carver had to take over early so he could sit and cry,"

Anders smiled with her "he did mention you were married. he didn't mention he cried"

-

Conversation continued, Anders spoke mostly to Bethany who sat next to him and Gerrett, occasionally Isabella would but in Varric said mostly quite which was a contrast to what Anders knew, but this wasn't his Varric so he didn't let it worry him.  
Fenris spent most of his time playing on his phone only occasionally taking part in the conversations.

it had taken all of Anders courage to talk to him while in the alley, he didn't know why he longed to talk to Fenris more, he assumed it was curiosity. he wanted to get to know these people he wanted to find out how different they were from his other life.   
and he couldn't deny this Fenris was pretty attractive, not that the Fenris from Thedas wasn't but it was easier to appreciate it when they weren't arguing about Mage rights. this Fenris seemed to smile a lot more. he was still peacefully quite when he wanted to be and had that air of mystery.

for once while Anders sat with his friends and played cards there were no arguments, he had always managed to trigger an argument in Kirkwall usually with Fenris or Sebastian, particularly during the weeks before... well - the weeks leading up to when he 'died'.

Eventually, one by one the group parted ways, closing up the bar and saying their good byes, Hawke drove Anders home.  
Merrill was already in bed sound asleep and Hawke quickly joined her, his snoring echoing through the apartment. 

Anders, however took more time to relax as he thought over the day and his friends. his gut swill twisted when he thought about it all. but he was getting used to the idea of separating the two groups.  
this was his second life. his second chance. they were mirrors of his friends, happy with productive lives.  
his mind turned back to the explosion. he hadn't really given it much thought since arriving in this world he realized.   
Anders had theorized that anyone in the explosion would and should have been rendered to dust within seconds or even less than that. a quick painless death. he had been at the heart of it, clutching the bomb, if he did die, he certainly didn't feel anything... had he?

he remembered Meridith drawing her sword, and she went to strike him in rage. Anders had merely closed his eyes accepting he would die either way. but he remembered justice screaming..  
there were no marks on his body. besides the scars that already lingered on his back and shoulders and the one on his chest. he had been lucky enough that the doctors hadn't asked questions and Hawke and Merrill hadn't seen them.   
so had Justice screamed because of the hit. of because of the explosion?  
had Anders drifted off into a dream as he was thrown into this world and Justice was forced from his body?  
there were so many questions. 

he tried to look at it now as more of a theoretical thing than a actual event, if he wanted to distance himself to have this new life, he had too. he couldn't get hung up and miss his old life. miss the people he knew.   
maybe with this worlds technology there was a way to figure out how he got here at least. but he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to go back...

Anders fell asleep on those thoughts, it was impossible for him to figure out... maybe it would be best to just forget. forget and live his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yea, so I really wanted to get out of the bar and I realized I needed to properly introduce Bethany and Isabella . this will be a slow burn story but I didn't want to spent all my time introducing Characters and show how their lives differ from Thedas with each Chapter I want to start focus on the actual plot idea I had and on Fenris and Anders.   
> I have been getting distracted I think.
> 
> so yea this Chapter seems jumpy and slow and boring to me. I hope you enjoy it at least and it gives you an insight to how some of the guys work. sorry again next Chapter will be better i swear!


	7. I'm Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this Chapter will have some references to some serious,tag updating stuff.  
> mentions of suicide, drug use, abuse, illness. all of it. just... everything. 
> 
>  
> 
> I'm sorry.

the weeks flew by into late October by after Anders started working at the Rose.  
he stuck to viewing the his friends in his new home as different from the ones in Kirkwall. and kindled a new kind of friendship with them.  
he went shopping with Merril and Isabella.- buying a score of Cat pun t-shirts with his new income.  
he baby sat for Isabella a few times.  
  
talking to Varric was difficult at first. he was... the boss. and only at card night did he relax and speak his mind, during business hours he was more serious and locked in his office  
his stories still began with the words 'I shit you not-' however. so there was an air of familiarity.  
  
he had still yet to meet Sebastian and Aveline but he figured it would happen in time....  
  
  
then there was Fenris. talking to Fenris was mind boggling, they didn't argue in this world. at all.  
there was the occasional jab. but only if Anders asked a stupid question. so he didn't mind a sarcastic answer.  
besides that they just... talked... or Anders listened to Fenris sing.  
  
  
"earth to Anders~" Bethany  waved her hand in front of his face "you're drooling"   
his gaze snapped from the stage to the woman infront of him, a blush creeping on his face and he wiped his mouth, Bethany laughed.  
  
"Honestly. you're like a love struck pup" she said as she crossed her arms over her chest  
  
Anders looked down sheepishly "sorry Bethy"  
  
Bethany sighed and looked back to the stage "just don't let Varric catch you slacking. you're good but you will loose your job if you do nothing but watch Fenris." her voice was filled with  concern   
"I've never seen anyone so.."  
  
"stupid" he offered  
  
"no don't be silly- Fens got a voice. but you look at him like he's some kind of Siren- bewitching you or something" Bethany turned back to Anders and lent on the counter,  
  
"I know... I don't know why.. I just" Anders trailed off and looked back up at the stage "I don't think I have ever heard someone sing like he does before. I know.. memory loss" he winkled his nose "but its just...it feels-"  
  
Bethany sighed again as he trailed off... again. "maybe his voice ..helps with your memories.. perhaps talk to him about it?"  
  
"I've told him how good he is"  
  
"no not that- maybe his voice his familiar. maybe it triggers something. a memory" she clicked his tongue "I'm not telling you to ask for a private show- I think Fen would run away if you did- he doesn't look it  but he can be shy"  
  
"Know him well then?"  
  
Bethany barked a laugh "well you know he used to have your room. but he and my brother go _way_ back I think they met in Highschool but I didn't meet Fenris until they were in College" she smiled "so I know him as well as any little sister would know her brothers best friend- even had a crush when I was younger"  
  
Anders was silent for a moment looking back to the stage "what was he like...?" he found himself asking. Hawke had refused to say anything about Fenris and he wasn't sure Bethany would do the same.  
  
  
"Quiet..." Bethanys voice dropped as the song ended and she lent closer over the bar. "he was so thin back then- the first time I met him Garrett had brought him home- like a stay puppy- on thanksgiving. asking our parents if the had an extar seat" she smiled thinking back on the memory   
"Mother gushed instantly. giving Fenris the biggest pile of food. and Dad... disappeared. he ran upstairs the moment he saw Fen and came down  an hour later with Carvers old clothes. I remember asking Mum why he was dirty. and she hurried me away-"  
she swallowed the growing lump in her throat  
  
" why.. _was_ he dirty?" Anders found himself leaning in. listening intently and keeping his own voice down.  
  
Bethany shrugged   
"Homeless.. Apparently... there were times when Fen would visit and he was dressed in the best clothes. other times he was.. grubby. like he had been sleeping rough for a week- I never found out why. my brother never told me and if my mother and father knew... " she was cut off when Bella appeared at Anders side  
  
"you guys are whispering~" she poked out his tongue.  and joined them in the little huddle that had been made. "I want in- who are we  bitching about?"  
  
"we aren't bitching" Bethany said with a roll of her eyes.  
  
"flirting?"  
  
"I have a boyfriend" Bethany huffed Isabella only raised a brow and tutted  
  
"having a boyfriend doesn't mean you can't casually flirt- Anders is very pretty"  
  
"I am very pretty" he agreed with a smile "but we aren't flirting. Bethany was telling me how she met Fenris"  
 Isabellas eyes bulged  and she grinned widely  
  
"I love talking about Fenris" she licked her lips "you know his mouth isn't just good for singing- he can tie a cherry stem into a knot with his tongue" both Anders and Bethany raised a brow  
"and he's really good with his hands~" she continued.  
  
Anders shook his head and chuckled  "something tells me he wont appreciate you giving away his secrets~"  
  
"of course- you'd want to experience it yourself~" before either of them could stop her, Isabella was  waving over the for mentioned male. his set long since finished and he was chating with a few customers  
  
Fenris walked with his hands in his pockets, like always he was impeccably dressed  and he had a light 5 oclock shadow today- which Anders found mildly weird and interesting. he often forgot Fenris and Merrill were human in this world. and that meant they felt with everything Humans had to deal with.   
"you summoned me" he said dryly as he approached  
  
"I was just telling Anders and Bethany  how talented you are~" Bela purred    
  
Fenris laughed "oh dear~"  
  
"yep and Anders said he wanted a demonstration" Bethany piped up unable to hide her smile. Isabella looked over  to her with a wide grin "yes~"  
  
"N-No.. nono" Anders tried but it was no use  
  
"I'll get a cherry~" Bela announced.  
  
luckily, before chaos could take over, Fenris stopped the two woman with a raised  hand "now now Ladies enough..."  he looked right at Anders and smirked "if I were to demonstrate my many talents with Anders I wouldn't use a Cherry"  
Fenris winked at him. the girls squealed and laughed   
Anders felt like he was melting.   
his face was on fire he was sure. beat red from embarrassment and he was thankful for the dim lights, but Fenris was looking right at him. and he was sure the blighted man knew. knew what he had juts done. setting the girls off into a whirlwind of excitement and, worse, peeking Anders curiosity. he wanted to know what Fenris could do. what he could do to him. if his voice alone to leave Anders a mess  what else could he do.  
  
he was sure by now it was no secret he had a little crush. it had always been there. buried under irritation as Fenris argued the point with him on mage rights. but now, in this world. he couldn't deny he found Fenris attractive, charming.   
 Anders struggled to compose himself, he was lucky Bethany and Isabela were still laughing, giving him time enough to come up with a retort;  
  
"well...now I'm truly intrigued~ pray tell - what other talents besides singing can you show me" it was the best he could do but he felt like he had managed to sound at least a little cool and flirty  
  
"I'm not in the habit of showing off my skills on an empty stomach"  
  
"I guess I can do nothing else but by you dinner then~?"  
  
Fenris' smile grew, he looked like a predator toying with its prey. "Its a date..." he purred  
Bethany and Isabella at this point were a mess. screeching with jubilation as  both men threw flirtations back and forth.  
  
"a..date" Anders said suddenly  feeling nervous again, was Fenris serious?  
  
"Yes.. a date. say tomorrow?" Fenris gleamed "I looked at the schedule I know you have the next two days off. it will be perfect~"  
  
Fenris was Evil. he had planned this surely? could he? Anders was lost for words he hadn't even realized  the girls had run off to tell everyone else about the 'new couple'   
Fenris however.. did notice and his stance relaxed  his predatory grin falling to a more friendly relaxed one.  
  
"those woman are like Harpies are they not?" he reached over and put his hand on Anders shoulder "relax I was only semi serious"  
  
"semi serious?" Anders asked still kind of lost.  
  
"yes.. there... is something I must do tomorrow... I was talking to Hawke about it.. usually he 'helps'.. but he is unavailable and well" Fenris looked away and kicked at the floor  
"I know we have only been friends a few months. we still hardly know one another. but you.." he tried to find the right words "you have this air about you- calming like one a doctor would have.." Fenris shifted again this time rubbing the back of his head.  
"you don't have to do anything too bad. just... be there.. if thats ok? afterword I will treat you to whatever you like"  
  
Anders listened closely and nodded his head. "I.. ok.."  
  
"and.. don't tell anyone. its.. personal"  
  
"I understand... thanks for trusting me" Anders said and smiled softly.  
  
Fenris smiled in return "I'll pick you up tomorrow morning.. tell you more then ok?"  
  
"ok"  
  
\----  
  
 Fenris arrived  promptly at 9am.   
Anders had spent the morning flitting about. concerned on how he should dress. on how serious the day would be and if one of his cat pun shirts would be at all appropriate, and Hawke was eerily quiet only telling him it didn't really matter what he wore.   
Fenris knocked once before allowing himself into the apartment, which was normal and his chuckle at Anders "Meowgic" cat shirt relaxed the former mage greatly    
  
"ready?" Fenris asked "you look stressed"  
  
"I wasn't sure what to wear..." Anders admitted  
  
"I told him it didn't matter" Hawke called from the couch  
  
"it really doesn't. though puns never fail to entertain me." Fenris smiled softy   
  
"I'll keep that in mind." Anders said as he grabbed his coat. and the pair left the apartment with a wave over their shoulders  
  
it was a clear crisp day. and icy cold. golden and brown leafs coated the cities sidewalks   and Anders wished he had grabbed his scarf before heading out.  
Fenris was dressed more casually than Anders had ever seen him; his over coat was dark and clean his scarf green to match his eyes. but Anders could see the well warn trainers and jeans under the long coat. it was a nice change. especially as they hugged his legs more closely than any dress trousers did. showing off Fenris muscular legs better.  
  
Fenris' car was a lot nicer than Hawkes was. black and shiny- Anders had no idea about different makes of cars but the differences was obvious. the interior was soft and leather and more importantly warm. getting in a buckling up they were quiet, and it was only when they reached the first stop light that Fenris spoke up...  
  
"I know this is weird and sorry for being so secretive its... difficult to talk about..."and his grip tightened around the wheel "and even harder to see..."he licked his drying lips and cleared his throat  
"we are going out of the city a little ways. to... visit my father"  
  
  
Anders gaze shot to Fenris his eyes wide. but said nothing..  
"he erm... its his birthday.." Fenris nodded to the backseat where there was a small neatly wrapped box, then it was silent again. Anders wanted to ask but his mouth wouldn't work.  
in all his years in Kirkwall the only mention of Fenris' family had been his sister and mother, and Fenris hadn't even know them- this was different. but no less painful obviously.  
  
they were silent almost the whole trip Anders watched as the tall skyscrapers gave way to smaller suburbs.  there were less and less people.  
after a few hours of driving Fenris turned off the main roads to a smaller one, leading to a larger old but grand brick building. it was beautiful  and gated.  
  
Anders saw other cars other people. some families but mostly. elderly men and woman. walking the gardens and doctors and nurses helping them along.  
Fenris pulled into a space to park and sat back in his chair staring up at the building  his eyes glasses.  
  
Anders looked around again before finally looking to Fenris.   
"what... would you like me to do?" he asked carefully  
  
Fenris sighed "just... be there. don't say anything unless spoken to..just...." he looked to his lap "sorry you must think me a fool.."  
  
"not at all.. i'm glad you trust me enough to bring me.. I'm here if you need anything." Anders smiled and waited.  
they sat like that for a few more moments before Fenris got out of the car, Anders followed keeping close to Fenris  
 he copied Fenris as they entered the main building, washing their hands with  alcohol and he smiled and introduced himself to a nurse when she asked him after saying hello to Fenris.  clearly Fenris was known here, but Anders didn't question, he just followed as he was asked to.  
  
the building was no less beautiful inside than t was out. but it felt more like  a hospital. looking into a few open rooms he so elderly men and woman playing checkers or cards. or watching TV. in some smaller rooms they sat in  bed their families gatherd. other rooms were empty.  
  
Finally Fenris stopped infront of a door and he took in a great gulp of air as if he were about to dive into a pool.  and knocked.  
then slowly allowed himself in  
"hello?"  Fenris greeted softly as he stuck his head in.  the box in his hand gripped tightly.  
 he opened the door fully and entered, Anders stopped at the door staying in the frame as he took in the room.  
it was clean like the others. but filled with many personal effects mostly photos  his attention was pulled  back as a soft, croaky voice spoke  
  
"ah.. Leto.. dear boy where have you been at?" Anders stifled the sharp gasp as he realized just who was sitting in the large  armchair int he corner of the room.  with a newspaper and half completed puzzle laid out in front of him, sat Danarius.  
  
"I'm sorry Father.. I've been busy with work. but I came to visit today because its special" Fenris spoke as he sat on an opposing chair. "do you remember?"  
  
Danarius' brow knotted together in thought and Fenris filled in "Father its your Birthday" he said with a smile and held out the small box, but Danarius only seemed more confused  
  
"boy, its not my birthday until October 31st" he scoffed  
  
Anders watched Fenris' heart sink in his eyes. and suddenly it became all too clear why Fenris wanted someone else there to support him.  
"Father.." Fenris said trying to keep up his smile "it _is_ October, 31st. it says so on your paper look"   
  
Danarius lifted the paper and moved his glasses so he could better read the small print. he made a 'oh' noise before putting it back down "s-so... it is... how strange... I thought for sure.." Fenris shook his head before Danarius could continue  
  
"its ok. it happens. but you know- Happy Birthday!" the bewildered almost scared look in Danarius' gaze  shifted a little too quickly to one of joy   
  
"Its my birthday" he smile and gratefully took the gift that was still being offered to him "you would be the only one to remember your sisters haven't even visited"  to that Fenris aid nothing but he glanced back to Anders who offered him a smile while Danarius ripped into his gift  
  
"oh Turkish delights.. my favorite, thank you boy- but however did you afford it?" his gaze turned accusing "you're not stealing again are you?"  
  
"'course not father, I told you. I've been working"  
  
Danarius seemed to visibly relax then  and finally looked up tot he door where Anders stood  
"who's this then?" he asked   
  
"My friend-" Fenris began before he was cut off by his father venomously   
  
"he can answer himself!"  
  
Anders stiffened for a brief second it sounded like the Danarius he had met briefly.  like a snake. evil and hissing. but again as quickly as it came Danarius' expression relaxed  
  
"my name is Anders- ah Happy Birthday sir." Anders bowed his head  in greeting.    
  
Danarius beamed  "thank you, young man. come sit. enjoy these treats with me" Anders moved into the room sitting close to Fenris.  he saw Fenris slowly sinking into his chair. he was clearly uncomfortable and on edge.    
  
now he sat closer, Anders could see there was in fact a great difference from the Danarius who hounded Fenris to this one;  
this Danarius had short her. white and wispy rather than grey and long.  wrinkles seemed to show more, which was either a sign that he was older than the Danarius he had met in Kirkwall, or that that Danarius had used blood magic to hide the effects of aging as best he could.  Anders assumed the later.  
this Danarius was thinner too. his hands were body but strangely he looked far more healthy his deceased double; his eyes weren't so sunken and red. his skin was less blotchy   
  
Danarius handed each of them a treat each.  and the conversation drifted from this and that. Danarius asked Anders many questions  
how did he know Fenris?  
how old was he?  
did he have a career?  
why was his hair long and his shirt so colorful?  
  
none of this stopped the old man from noticing Fenris seemingly fold into himself.  and once again the cheerful kind man was replaced with harsher tones  
"whats wrong boy? you crying? you know men don't cry save that for your sisters-" the harsh tone halted to one of confusion "where are your sisters? it would be dinner time soon"  
  
"they are out father... they will be back before dinner don't worry" Fenris said.  
  
  
"but.. its Sunday" Danarius said his lip trembling. "we always make dinner together on Sunday..."  
  
Anders looked to Fenris confused, who looked like he was in pain hearing his fathers words. Fenris reached out and gently put his hand on his fathers.  
"we'll just cook dinner ourselves, make it special for them" a bony hand moved to cover Fenris' old tapping it Danarius smiled and sniffed  
  
"you are a good lad... always here for me..."  
  
Fenris couldn't say anything. it was clear to Anders that he was about to break. but for a split moment  Danarius gaze held an air of clarity   
"I worry so much for you my boy. always been wild and free so different from what I expected.. so much like your mother"   
  
the moment passed and Danarius forgot. suddenly distracted with the Turkish delights again. conversation continued but after a few more hours Danarius started to repeat the same questions to them.   
at that point Fenris stood abruptly  
  
"I have to go father" he said  keeping his gaze as level as he could "I'll be back soon. but I'm needed at work"  
  
Danarius didn't question instead he looked to Anders "always such a hard worker my boy, never asks for anything...."  
  
they said their goodbyes.  
and Anders had to jog to keep up with Fenris who fled the building to his car.  
  
when Anders got there. Fenris was gripping the wheel with his head resting against it.  the silence broken on occasion with quiet sobs.  
  
"so... " Ander started. he felt his own eyes stinging. and avoided looking at Fenris "thats why you needed someone...I'm sorry"  
  
Fenris shook his head and sat up.   
"no... don't I've had my full of  apologies and condolences - I'm the one who should be saying sorry. for not telling you. for putting it on you"  
  
"You don't need to apologize..." Anders waited a moment... "h-how long has he.."  
  
"a few years now... i lost count.. it was after my sister died.." Fenris scoffed "killed herself, the bitch" he sniffed "he started to go down hill after that, blaming himself. then he started to forget things..."  
Fenris wiped his face  
  
"he was a hard man to grow up with... my mother passed away  when I was a kid... it was just my father, me   and my two sisters, Verania and Hadriana-  
he was harder one me than the girls. they.. fell in line i suppose. they were his princesses.  
I would get into fights at school.  I never wanted to go his way. I would run away from home. proper problem child, me." Fenris shrugged "in hindsight it was probably my way of dealing with loosing my mother... i was too young to prossess it. my sisters were older.-  
  
becuase of how i was. I would get the belt  constantly. I have scars on my back and rear where he hit me. he'd lock me in my room deny meals anything he could to try and keep me in line- i think he was just at a loss... he wasn't an evil man." he took a shaky breath. "he tried with me. I struggled to learn at school so he spend so much time and effort into helping me. sending me to remedial classes. helping me read at home.  after I got into my first fight he taught me how to throw a punch. sighed me into boxing classes to see if it would help- but I was an ungrateful brat"  
  
Anders listened intently, leaning in "you were just a kid..."  
  
"but I should have been better... Sundays... were different though... every Sunday he made sure we wore our best. and he would play with us. take us to church. and when we got home we all cooked and cleaned together. it was the only day he didn't raise his voice to anyone. the only day my sisters didn't bicker or pick on me. he encouraged my singing...."  
  
Fenris smiled softly "when i got to college I started to straighten out. with help from Hawke and his family. his mother kinda took me in as her own. but while I sorted my life out.. figured out what I wanted me sisters...." he let out a sigh "Verania and Hadriana had a huge fight. Hadriana had started to take drugs at  college and when Verania caught her she threatened to tell father.  Hadriana attacked her. so much so  Verania was hospitalized - Hadraian told Father they were attacked by a group of guys but she confessed to me what really happened. she was devastated but it didn't stop her drinking or smoking or God knows what else.  
when Verania was released from hospital she vowed to never speak to Hadriana again. for some reason that eventually led to her cutting out all of us. I think she lives in Australia now not that she write's. i think she used to write to father. but...." Fenris finally looked over to Anders then the tears had long since dried up.  
  
and then a few years ago... we found Hadriana... well. i found her. she started to drift away. she took more and more drugs. refused to go to rehab and then one day she just disappeared. took me three weeks to realizes. i broke into her apartment. found her in the bathtub. the whole place was a mess. drugs and booze moldy food. a... there was a noose hanging from the ceiling fan.. but i guess it couldn't hold her weight. so she pumped herself full of what ever she had and filed the bath.....she left a note but by the time we got to it it was almost illegible."  
  
Anders mouth was hanging open in a mix of disgust and horror. to be found like that. to go out like that why would anyway do that? surely there was another way. surely she could have gotten help? wasn't there anyone.  
still Fenris continued  
  
"Father blamed himself. I blamed myself. he was mess for so long I thought for sure he would go too... he lost his wife. his daughters... and I was left to pick up the pieces....." Fenris sniffed again his voice trembling " he's been getting worse over the past year.. you caught him on a good day but he wont... he can't .... he-"   
  
Anders moved then pulling Fenris closer into a hug  the most contact they had ever had but it was surely needed.  
there were no 'I'm sorries' he just held Fenris as the darker haired male finally let go and allowed himself to cry. it was an awful situation.   
  
"I'm here.... " Anders spoke after a long time. "I'm here... if you need anything"  
  
"Thank you..."  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess who made herself cry while writing this. sorry for the major tone shift it will only be this chapter... for now. but at least we know more about Fenris... yay. except why he is called Fenris~ lol


	8. its a date.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders and Fenris spend the rest of the day together.

They sat like that for a while,  in the parking to of the Care home. Anders holding Fenris in a way he never thought he world.  
the other man wasn't really crying anymore, he just seemed exhausted, alone, he needed and wanted someone with him in this moment.  
when he finally pulled away from Anders he fumbled around in his coat pockets pulling out what he needed to roll himself a cigarette.  
  
Fenris rolled down the window, lite his cigarette, took toolong drags and breathed out the smoke, trying his best to keep it away fro Anders who was still watching him closely.  
"so..." he said in a raspy voice "I promised you lunch for this-"  
  
"you don't need to-"  
  
"but I'm gonna"  another long drag and he started the car as he flicked ash out the window. "it wont be much, McDonald's or something is that ok" Fenris asked finally looking back to Anders his eyes were blood shot but he smiled weakly  
  
Anders watched him a moment longer before nodding "thats fine... thanks"  
  
Fenris shrugged and turned back to look where he was going as he turned out of the lot.  
"I am.. truly grateful you came with me today.... I think Hawke is getting tired of these trips.. its why i didn't talk to anyone all summer. I don't blame him. he has been a good friend for the longest time. gave me a place to stay when I needed it... but he has his own life." another drag ad puff of smoke "he has Merrill... I don't want to intrude"  
   
Anders nodded along "I can Understand that...." he had started to distance himself when he decided what to do with the Chantry. locking himself away from Hawke and the others... "but don't lock him out... or avoid him all the time... he tries.."  
  
"tries to damn hard," Fenris grumbled "with everything. its endearing, I hate it"   
  
Anders laughed  and Fenris joined him with only a small chuckle.  
  
when the laughter died  they settled into a comfortable silence. Fenris reaching for the radio and fiddled around, a few stations cracked to life but none were playing music currently  
then one came on loud with a  
  
" _breaking news-_ " Anders looked down to listen while Fenris hesitated with the nob  " _the body of a man has been found in Port Jefferson- Long Island-_ " the radio cracked a little " _-currently unidentified, believed to be in mid to late forties_ \- " another crack ad Fenris grumbled and fiddled with the nob a little.   
" _reports say-- ripped apart---_ "  
  
Anders winced as the station cracked again and Fenris gave up and turned the radio off   
"bloody thing only part of this car that doesn't work."  
  
"ripped apart though, thats kind of excessive" Anders said wishing he could listen longer to the broad cast. even without Justice he still had a strong desire to help. he could almost hear Justice again; _this is Unjust we must investigate._ but knew it was only his imagination it wasnt the only radio broadcast or news story like it Anders had heard. there were many, attacks in the east. wars. murders. mass shootings. this world was as ripe with violence as Thedas was.... at least they didn't have to contend with  Darkspawn.  
  
Fenris shrugged again and threw his dying cigarette from the window.   
"probably just reporters trying to make the case sound more exciting, you know how it is. the guy was probably just stabbed with a nasty blade of some kind." he sighed "doesn't matter anyway not like its near us"  
  
Fenris pulled into a McDonolds that was near the Highway  and went around the drive through. ordering as much as he could,  then they sat in the parking lot to eat.  
  
"you didn't need to buy this much," Anders commented as he bit into his cheese burger  
  
"shush" Fenris grumbled his mouth already filled with food. "most of its for me, i need comfort food"   
  
Anders Chuckled "you ordered almost everything on the menu, you cant eat it all surely"  
  
"you underestimate my power" Fenris growled and deliberately took the largest bite he could from his own burger, nearly swallowing it whole Anders laughed again  
  
"is that a Quote from Starwars I hear~" he teased  
  
"so he finally got you to watch it"  
  
"yes I joined him in the Dark side" Anders giggled again "but I think he hates me for it"  
  
"why?"  
  
"I said Jar Jar was my favorite Character"  
  
Fenris looked to Anders, narrowing his gaze for a moment. Anders only grinned  
  
"you don't.. surely?"   
  
the grin grew and Anders eyes twinkled.  
  
"no..." Fenris said again almost recoiling "thats not possible - how could you"  
  
"Me'sa likes his funny voice~" Anders laughed but had to duck out the way as what remained of Fenris' burger was thrown at him. he ducked  and it stuck to the window behind him. "you know I'm kidding" Anders added laughing  
  
"don't kid about that, or I'll kick you out and your walking home" both men were chuckling now.   
  
eventually they settled back into eating quietly, after Anders had to peel away the thrown burger from the window and clean up the mess.  
the silence lasted until Fenris was on his fourth round of food. while Anders was happy with his icecream and coke.  
  
  
"so... he called you Leto" Anders said   
"you caught that huh?" Fenris answered with his mouthful, then swallowed  "Leto Tiberius-Lambert Summers, at you're service"    
  
Anders nearly choked on on his coke "thats a mouthful"  
  
"so's this burger." Fenris commented as he took another bite " middle names after both my Grandfathers. we have a habit of stupidly long names, mines short in comparison to others I know of"   
  
"and Fenris is?"  
  
"Stage name"  
  
"stage name?"   
  
Fenris swallowed again and shrugged " came up with it when I was a kid. had a fascination with wolves and Mythology,  at the time I wanted to become a really famous singer. traveling the world and such thought i needed a stage name and that it sounded cool. it didn't become my proper nickname or whatever until Merrill- out of the blue commented that 'Leto' meant death or 'to die' in Latin, back just shortly after Garrett met her. we all kinda agreed that 'Wolf' was a better name than 'Death'"  
  
Anders chuckled. "I like both"  
  
"Death wolf? that sounds like a bad omen"  
  
Anders laughed again   
  
"what about you. Hawke said you were coming up with a last name for your documents is thats all sorted now?"  
  
"it is indeed.  you are looking at Anders Ackerman. Hawke said it sounded cool but I think he wanted me to name myself 'Anders Andreas Anderson' just for shits and giggles"  
  
Fenris snorted "knowing him, he probably did,- and why didn't you?"   
  
"because its bloody stupid thats why" they both laughed.  
  
once again conversation  dried up but this time the pair settled with smiles on their faces. after his 5th burger and second pack of fries Fenris gave up  and had the get out of the car to stretch for a moment why his poor stomach attempted to digest it all.  there was still plenty left but decided to give what was left to Hawke and Merrill.  
  
 the rest of the drive home was pleasant, Fenris managed to get the radio working properly and they listened to a few songs. Anders found himself singing along to a few, he was no where near as good as Fenris but whenever he tried to back out and sink into his seat Fenris would cheer him on to sing louder.  
they were laughing as they pulled up outside of Hawke apartment building.  
  
"thanks again Anders for today" Fenris said as he packed up the food to give to him.   
  
"no problem whenever you need me... and thank you for the free food. I always love free food- next time I'll buy though" Anders winked to Fenris  
  
"next time?"  
  
"well you did say this was a date yesterday~"  
  
"and you want a second date?" Fenris said and cocked his head to the side  
  
Anders shrugged " it appears I need singing lessons."  
  
Fenris only rolled his eyes and threw the bag of grub on top Anders lap.   
"only a lot... fine you win. I think I can find time to hang out again~ now get out of my car and feed the Hawkes"  
  
Anders stepped out  with a chuckle and watched for a moment as Fenris drove off with a wave of his, today had been a good... interesting day.  
he had learned so much and had fun doing it. he saw a side of Fenris he wished he had seen in Kirkwall, and he wished to see more of it.  
  
he wondered back up to the apartment with a smile on his face the whole time, Merril buzzed when she saw his smile, Hawke buzzed when he saw the food.   
  



End file.
